The blog continues?

I've been struggeling with if I should continue this blog or not. I made this blog for Lauren. I made it because she had more ups and downs and I wanted friends and family to follow along. I still can't believe she's gone. I can't believe how quite this house is. Alex and I now spend very little time in the back of the house. It screams "Lauren's not here!" I've finally organized most of her things, equipment and supplies sending most of it with medical teams to other countries. I'm not quite sure now what to do with my life. My whole existence for the past almost 2 years was taking are of Lauren. I was ready for the marathon. I was in this. I was excited to barely work and be a mom to twins. I just don't understand why God would take her from me now. I don't think I'll ever understand. I do have a peace about it though. It makes me happy that she is with my dad. They are sitting on the back porch of heaven talking for hours. He is teaching her things and throwing her in the air. He was the greatest dad to a little girl. She deserves that. Alex is the easier child to take care of medically. Perhaps it's all a matter of perspective. My perspective has totally changed. It's like most people cannot imagine running 10 miles but in marathon training that was my short run. That was relaxtion and a recovery day. Alex is my short run. I cannot imagine how easy a full term baby would be for me...You mean the baby just eats? You don't have to put any monitors on? there's no medications? There's no trouble shooting machines?
I do have a heart for special needs children and maybe that is where all of this is leading me...