Lake House 2011

We go out to my brother's lake house every year. This was Alex's first trip. My 5 year-old nephew was quoted as saying this weekend "was the most fun he's ever had in his entire life. Better than Disney." There was swimming, boating, fishing etc etc etc. The kids even caught a turtle! All of Alex's cousins were there! He had such a good time with his cousin Abby who is only a few months older.

out takes.

I got the CD in the mail today with all "the rest" of the pics from our photo shoot done about 6 weeks ago now. There was picture after picture of both twins looking adorably and looking as awkward as an out take can get. The I came across this picture and cried. You see, my original idea was for me not to be in ANY of the pictures..this was a photo shoot for the twins. This photographer (who is AMAZING BTW) was just taking pictures on the fly. This particular picture was taken at random. She caught a moment that I frequently had with Lauren. I would sniff her head. Weird, I know. It was just me, soaking up Lauren.

This post is to show how stinking cute Alex is!

I just love him!

Alex gets older...quickly!

Alex got his fourth (or is it fifth?) haircut last weekend and seemed to age an entire year. He's losing his "baby look" fast. He's starting to eat more but the process is slow. For the past month while I work he's been at "his best friend's house". This is a little boy who is exactly Alex's adjusted age so they play together and he shows Alex how to eat. In fact, He even taught Alex the sign for "please". Apparently, these two boys speak the same language and Alex just learned he get get anything by using the sign for "please". They chase each other around the house and when his friend's parents are brave enough they take him to the zoo or the library. (I've been told having the both of them in public is like "herding cats".) They have baby chicks at their house and a piano! There is NOTHING Alex loves more than a piano! The parents are both teachers and just really great people so the more exposure to them, the better. Overall it's a great way for Alex to get exposure to other children (which he needs) without getting sick (which he doesn't need).

We meet with a nutritionist every 2 weeks for the past few months. Every time we do Alex's wight, length and head measurements. Last time he was tipping 24 pounds (this means he's gained a pound every month since his G-tube!). We've decided to cut back on his feeds and calories to make him hungrier and more likely to eat by mouth. We do 3 feeds a day, and now he's awake for all 3. We've added back an ounce to each feed as to not decrease his calories too much. He seems to be doing great with it and starting eating a bit more. His new thing is to eat and drink while in the car...this makes for a MILLION Kixs all over my car!

Missing Lauren.

I missed Lauren a lot this weekend. REALLY missed her. She was so happy and gave me so much more than I ever could have given her. People write things like that all the time. Two years ago I would have thought "that's just crap that people say to make themselves feel better". I was wrong. It's actually true.

There's a man who does the Ironman triathlon out in Hawaii every year with his disabled son in tow. A son who he pulls swimming, biking and of course running. Their name is "Team Hoyt" if you'd like to look them up. Year after year I've watched him and heard his story. The questions were always the same. "Wouldn't it be easier to do this enormous physical task without pulling your son?"His answer was always the same. "I couldn't do this without my son". While I always thought this was a nice sentiment, i never really understood it. I do now.

Since Lauren's death if anyone, even for a brief moment, thought I was better off, they didn't know Lauren. If anyone thought, "well now she can lead a normal life again". They didn't know Lauren. They may have met her and even held her a time or two. Or, they may just follow this blog. I cannot describe what a joyful, happy baby Lauren was. I cannot describe the joy it gave me to see her sit up for the first time on her own. Or search for her paci for the first time. Or laugh SO hard at her cousins that her face turned beet red and she would trigger the vent. Pure. Joy. I'm in no way better off without her. If you never got a chance to know Lauren, the loss is all yours.