Will the drama ever end?

Poor Alex with HIVES! and sweet sleeping Lauren!
First off, we're still in the middle of Medicaid Hell and I feel like I am going to lose my mind. Our Medicaid is set to expire Dec 31st. We do have GREAT private insurance but it does not cover any nursing for 2011. We would only get 100 nursing "visits" a year. A "visit" can last 30 mins. Great. So I can shower 100 times next year. I've spent most of the day on the phone with everyone from begging our private insurance to let us have 100 shifts again to begging the HR department to let me make 10$/hour as an NP so we can keep our nursing. They won' drop my pay. I don't think they understood. I cannot work with no nursing. I cannot shower with no nursing. Getting the mail involves running. I would need to sleep on the couch and she is due meds and feedings around the clock. The women actually said to me "well, I had very little sleep when my kids were little" Urgh. To which I responded "It's not like we can drop off Lauren at Polly Panda daycare for the day!" Heck, the WHOLE Community hospital system does not have the staff or training to take care of her and that's what we have to go out of network to Clarian. Right now there are 5 people who can take care of her. We always have the choice to readmit her to the hospital for 30 days to regain Medicaid. We would have to find someone who would train to take care of her. Most importantly she is BLOOMING at home and SUCH a different baby than in the hospital. I would have much of my post tramatic stress return and would pretty much need to be knocked out for the 30 days. PLUS, this is RSV season and the dirtest place on earth is a hospital...she WOULD get sick. She WOULD take a step back. Another option is to drop my workiing hours again to 16 hours/week. I would lose our health insurance by doing this which is really scary to me. If we don't get medicaid then it's just Nick and I taking care of her. 24/7. No break. I would either be at work or at home. I would be willing to do it. Push though it for Lauren. What's most important here? Lauren. We also have the option of Nick moving back in. If this was a 4 person household we would quilify on what I make now. He says no way. I have full coustody . This is my problem. If Nick were to get a job and not watch the kids while I worked and we didn't have Medicaid I would have to quit. there would be no other option. Lauren comes first. I'm going nuts with all of this. I've gone so far as to call the governers office to see what they can do...I'm sure nothing. sigh.
In other news Lauren's results of her MRV came back. She has many more blood clots than just her SVC. She has more than 5. SHe will be on the Lovenox long term. On a positive note she can hold her head up and is very "with it". She superises me every day. at this point the only way she is going back to the hospital is if she needed to because she got sick. I would never forgive myself if we readmitted for Medicaid and she took big steps back...she's come a LONG way at home...I just want to keep her here!
On the Alex front he's started getting HIVES. they were bad tonight. He went to the doctor today and was put on Benedryl every 4 hours and changed abx. Poor guy still has a bad cold and now hives to match. He is becoming a MASTER at crawling. Nick said he got halfway up our big staircare today...I see it's FINALLY time for some baby gates!