Seems like this blog is going to start getting intresting again....

I never meant to have this life. I set out, like everyone else, to have an ordinary one. A life where you get married, have perfect children and live happily ever after. But I'm sure as we all know by now God has other plans...
The big news is...
I'm going to have another baby. On my own. Using a frozen embryo from my marriage. ( I like to think in the divorce I got the things that matter in 100 years)
As several friends have told me I don't need to defend myself to anyone....but I think this requires some explanation because at first glance I can see how this seems crazy. Lets look a little deeper...
FAQ
1) Why in the world would you want to have another child who is genetically half your ex-husband?
First and foremost, lets not pretend the embryos don't exist. They do. Therefore, something needs to be done with them. The second the twins were born I knew I would never destroy those embryos. It seems, with their birth I realized what those embryos are....children...my children. I've talked to woman after woman who only regretted her abortion after the birth of subsequent children. It seems they didn't know what they killed until they held their own baby in their arms. And what is the difference between Alex and Lauren and those embryos???...5 and a half months. Plus, I want another baby. I've always planed on having another. I would like to make this VERY clear: This baby is not a replacement for Lauren. My love for this baby is equal but very different than my love for Lauren. Lauren's love cannot be replaced. I love both Alex and Lauren. That love for them has nothing to do with Nick. I never saw the children (or the embryos, for that matter) as being "nick's" but as being my children. I fought for them from day one...and I will continue to fight. This isn't about Nick at all.
2)Are you sure you can do this on your own?
I've actually never gotten this question from anyone who knows me. I only work 2 days a week at a fantastic job that I love...plus, lets remember I took care of a baby who wouldn't eat and one who needed round the clock care all by myself. I'm excited for a little normalcy.
3) Why now? Why not give this some time?
By the time the baby is born the children will be more than2.5 years apart. I really want Alex to grow up with a sibling. Your siblings are your best link to your past and the ones most likely to stick with you in the times ahead. I'm also in my season of raising small children. We go to the zoo and they want to do the same stuff. Why take a break from changing diapers?
4) Do you remember your last pregnancy and how horrible it was? You want to chance this again?
Here's a list of all the things that went wrong last time and how we're trying to change things...
a.) Incompetent cervix- I got a cervical cerclage at 13 week and weekly ultrasounds to monitor cervical length.
b.)Preterm labor and delivery- Biggest factor helping this is the fact that there is only ONE baby. In addition, I get progesterone injections weekly.
c.)IUGR/ fetal distress- I believe this my have to do with the MTHFR clotting disorder and therefore I'm on daily shots of Lovenox and baby aspirin.
d) Uterine classical incision- This is the vertical cut that needed to be made on my uterus with the twins delivery. I have an increased risk of uterine rupture if I kick into labor. Therefore, there will be an amnio (to prove lung maturity only) at 36 weeks and delivery soon after.
5) Will Nick be involved?
This child is not legally Nick's at all. She only has Nick's DNA (remember, full sibling of Alex and Lauren) This being said, we're on a lot of uncharted ground. I will always do what is best and appropriate for the baby. Nick, of course, can choose if he wants to be involved or not..and that choice is his. As the baby grows up I will let her know that Nick is her AND Alex's father.I'm all about telling kids the truth.
6) You said "her" in the last paragraph...do you know gender already? How far along are you?
yes, it's a girl! Her name is Caroline. I haven't come up with a middle name yet but I should have some time. My official due date is May 10th. My delivery date (assuming everything goes as planned?!!?) is April 17th (all of our birthdays would be on the 17th!)

Chicago cousins come to visit!

My brother and his three kids came to visit from Chicago! Alex loves girl cousins too!

Christmas time!

Alex's cough is gone...the change in meds did the trick! It's so nice to not hear him cough cough cough at night. This past weekend we went on a train ride with two of Alex's favorite girlfriends. Grown ups could cram themselves into the train cars too, so that is what Alex insisted that I do! He has been in much better spirits and finally started sleeping really well for me again. That's all I wanted for Christmas!

cough, cough, cough

Alex's chronic cough is driving me crazy! He has been on 4 rounds of steroids, 3 rounds of antibiotics and numerous trips to the doctor since September. Since the end of august he hasn't had a cough for 3 weeks. I can live with the chronic cough....it's when he starts having a bad cough at night I start to worry. This past Tuesday night he coughed every 2-3 minutes for 4 hours. Yes, 4 hours. I did breathing treatments and pulse ox check at 3 am which did nothing more than wake him up for party time for the next two hours! We saw his lung doctor on Friday who changed not only his inhaled steroid but the method we were giving it in. We were doing blow-by pulmacort and now we're doing 2 puffs (with a spacer) of Flowvent. This medthod is much quicker but MUCH more horrific for Alex as we need to press the spacer against his nose and mouth until he takes 10 breaths...usually 10 screaming breaths.

The pictures are of Alex working hard on Playdoh at his new kids table and with his new haircut...no one told me boys need their haircut once a month!

Who told Alex he was 2 !?!??!

Alex has developed another cough :( So he went on another steroid burst for 5 days. During these steroid treatments Alex gets crabby and clingy! He's so wound up he's hard to put to bed or nap. He won't let anyone but me hold him. I actually had to leave a physical therapy session because he wouldn't let out PT come near him. We did go to Christmas at the Zoo. He loved all the lights but was still very clingy. The pic is where he realized I wasn't holding him...He also constantly has suckers stuck to him so his "boy cousin" was picking one off! Alex has also started throwing little fits if he does not get what he wants...hope he didn't pick this one up from me!

Center. of. Attention.

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I don't think I've ever blogged about how Alex loves to be the center of attention! We've been to 2 outdoor concerts where Alex was the only one out of at least 100 people who is on the dance floor dancing! In retrospect, I should have gotten video or at least a pic but I thought the whole thing was so hysterical that by the time that I thought of it the moment had passed. He loves the attention of adults and other children. This past weekend we went to a festival where Alex got two balloons. One, he released to his sister. The other, he insisted on holding that actual balloon in his hands!

Guess who loves suckers??!?!?!

Alex has finally realized suckers taste good! After 4 Halloween events and tons of candy he won't eat, at least this year he has discovered the sucker! Alex still refused to put on his monster costume( it was adorable, "boo" from Monsters, INC) So we used the backup pumpkin costume. Boo! Alex went trick-or-treating with his BFF!